If you haven't already, please take a moment to read Beth's whole blog for today (link is at right)
Here she is with our assignment for this week:
"OK, so let’s get to this week’s assignments. We’ve reached a very important point in our journey. We’re about to dig up eight deep roots of insecurity. No, we’re not looking for excuses but a little understanding can go a mighty long way. Haven’t you ever wondered why it dogs you so? You may be about to find out. This week I’d like for you to give special attention to Chapters FIVE and SIX. Here are the two questions I want you to answer here on the blog:
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
These may sound like simple questions but I promise you we will have some interesting reading this week. Go to it, Girlfriends! I can’t wait to hear from you. Remember, you have until next Thursday morning to make your comment. By the way, a number of you have asked if women can jump in late with us. Absolutely! Any time. Everybody’s welcome.
Here’s a special challenge this week: Let’s still hear from all of you who’ve been commenting over the last two weeks but let’s ALSO hear from at least one hundred of you who have never posted before. Remember, this is a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE. Get in there and learn how to make a comment and if you find it posted later and see that you misspelled a word, who cares? This journey will mean ten times more to you if you get all the way into it. Come on in and participate. This is a really cool group of women.
Come, Lord Jesus, and minister to us. Open our eyes. Open our hearts. Grant us signs of great freedom and healing even this week as we discover where our insecurities may be coming from. We know, Lord, that no flesh and blood can bring us what we need. If we come out of this with liberty, all glory will go to You alone. I love You, Father. Do Your Thing."
Sandi & Danelle, I SO sympathize with you and your "lost" comments!!!! That's happened to me so many times!
ReplyDeleteWhat I do (when I can remember) is I type my comments in Word or Wordpad, then copy and paste - and when I see that my comments have been posted I can close the Word file.
Of course, when I forget to do it that way is when I accidentally delete them!!!
This is also just a random comment, but I think most of you know that we have a Living Proof Live event with Beth coming up in 2 weeks in Toronto.
ReplyDeleteWell, I decided to charter a bus and put together a bus/hotel package and I asked God for 20 women. I figured we could take a school bus to keep the costs down.
Well as of today we have 52 women, and it works out perfectly that we can take a nice 56 passenger coach!
Yay God!!!
Most of these dear women have called me to book their spot, after hearing me interviewed on the Christian radio station, so practically all of us will only know 1 or 2 others on the bus.
I'm praying that God will do what He did at the Siesta event (give us an immediate sister-ship) and by the time we get to the hotel to check in, we'll all be friends in the Lord and very comfortable.
Judi, that is awesome! So cool that you took that step of faith, and SO COOL how GOD always works! I'll be praying for that time. There is not a Living Proof Live or Deeper Still event close to me this year. I am looking forward to the Simulcast in September, but also need to see if our church could host the So Long, Insecurity Simulcast in April.
ReplyDeleteI'll be back soon to post my answers.
Thank you, again!
Hi everyone, I have so much enjoyed reading all your comments on the last post. I get a newsletter from Women of Faith and this morning I thought this related to some of our insecurities!
ReplyDelete"God looked over all that he had made, and it was excellent in every way." — Genesis 1:31 TLB
They say that the average size woman in America is a size 14. The funny side of me wants to ask, “So who wants to be below average?” and the more reasonable side of me asks, “If you are healthy and active, what difference does the number on the tag of your pants make?” But let’s face it: When it comes to our bodies, circumnavigating all the messages we receive in our culture is not for the faint of heart.
I will never forget a comment I heard from a fashion designer several years ago. He said that the fashion industry is all about the clothes, not the people wearing the clothes, and the best way to highlight the clothes is to drape them over a “human hanger” rather than an actual person whose curves would interrupt the lines of the design.
I bought a blouse the other day. It was hand beaded, striking, beautiful (and on sale!) But I was as taken by the message on the hanging tag as I was with the blouse. It reads: “I am your special garment. I am unique and often hand-woven, hand-beaded, hand-printed, and hand-painted. My defects are part of my beauty!” If only we came with such a tag!
— Anita Renfroe
Excerpted from A Grand New Day © 2008 by Thomas Nelson.
It's that the truth, we are each uniquely made and we are a beautiful design of the Father's hand. Believe it today and say so long insecurity!!
Have a great day! I will be back over the weekend to answer the questions.
Judi, that's so exciting! I'm sure you will have a great time. What a blessing that you were able to do the radio interview and get the word out. Those who haven't heard Beth before are in for a real blessing!
ReplyDeleteI think my 2 primary roots of my struggle with insecurity are
ReplyDeleteFear of Rejection
and
Pesonal Disposition.
I don't have a bad childhood experience that caused my Fear of Rejection.
I just know I've always wanted affection and wanted everyone to like me.
I did give into certain things, that then caused me to dislike myself for doing that, and then have more insecurity!
This is what Beth said abuot Personal Dispositon that gave me great insight, and God is speaking directly to me, through her!
(pg. 84)
"I have come to the conclusion that, with my hypersensitive disposition, I probably would have battled it (insecurity) to some extent anyway. I feel everything. My joys are huge, and so are my sorrows. If I'm mad, I'm really mad, and if I'm despondent, I wonder how on earth I'll go on. Then I get up, pour some coffee, and move on to the next emotion and forget how depressed I was an hour ago. Ever done that?"
YES! And, it is so great to realize others have, too! All my married life, my husband has called me "defensive", and I have been trying to figure out why I'm that way!
I identified two roots, but they are so intertwined with other areas, that it is almost impossible for me to separate them. The two primary roots of my insecurity are instability in the home and rejection. My parents divorced when I was in elementary school and both later remarried. I had issues with both of my step-parents and the second marriages didn't work out as perfectly as my mom and dad were hoping. There were additional separations, physical fights, and a lot of hostility. Both sets of parents worked through these hard times, but it left its toll on me. Due to family instability, I went through several dramatic changes – moving, switching schools, going from a family of 3 to a family of 8, my mom and step-dad moving out of state and leaving me behind... And, mixed in with all of this, I had my share of rejection. Rejection from friends, siblings, parents, boyfriends. I never was able to fit in with others. I don't know why, never understood, and probably never will. These two roots – instability in the home and rejection – festered in me until I ended up with a pride problem. I think I've known for a while that I struggled with pride, but now I am beginning to understand why.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest insight came to me while reading pages 102 and 103. Beth wrote, “We live our lives screaming, 'Somebody notice me!' And do you want to hear something interesting? That's exactly how God made us. That very need is built into our human hard drive to send us on a search for our Creator, who can assign us more significance than we can handle. He not only notices us, He never takes His eyes off us. In the radiance of His greatness, we are made great. Our search is over and our egos silenced. We no longer need pride to drive us, because we've found something infinitely more fulfilling: purpose. He is the reason we are here. And finally our souls are at rest...” I need to meditate more on this.
Wow Kerry, that was a lot for a young girl to handle growing up! I pray that through this study you will find stability and acceptance in Christ.
ReplyDeletePride and culture are the two primary roots of my struggle with insecurity.
ReplyDeleteInsight. One of my memory verses from last year was Hebrews 11:3. By faith we understand that they universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made by what is visible.
Although I believed it, it didn't change me and I began praying that God would reveal this passage to me and that I would believe it to the core. It has sent me on a deeper quest to know my Creator and to know what being His creation means to me and my circumstances. I have so often tied my significance to my successes and career. Since moving and having to leave my job my significance has been in question. Throughout the year different morsels have been revealed and on P. 102-103 (same spot as Kerry's) Beth spoke into this, "We're desperate for significance...somebody notice me...That's exactly how God made us...He never takes His eyes off us...we no longer need pride to drive us, because we've found something infinitely more fulfilling: purpose. He is the reason we are here."
It is not what we do but who we are that is important. This was all further confirmed for me in the process of offering help in a few menial tasks I did recently. I so enjoyed lending a hand, never expecting them to be more than they were, however, in both cases they came back as a huge answers to private prayers these people were praying. How fulfilling is that! That God went out of His way to coordinate these seemingly trivial opportunities and convert them to purpose-filled encounters is amazing to me.
I can't believe it, I just wrote a long post to answer these questions and when I tried to post it I got a blogger error and it all disappeared! Sandi and Danelle I now know your pain. I might come back later and try again. Yikes, that's frustrating!
ReplyDeleteGod gave me another insight tonight. I was watching Joyce Meyer (recorded from last week) and she was talking about forming good habits. One of the habits was acknowledging God in all you do. The example she used was shopping. She talked about asking God for help in not overspending, asking him before you enter the store to help you stay focused on what you need to buy, not what you feel you need. My immediate reaction was - I can do that myself, no need to trouble God with something as trivial as that. Immediately I felt the Holy Spirit grab me by the shoulders and say "That is your pride talking!!" I thought I was bothering God with such small details, but really I was fooling myself. It is prideful to think I can do it on my own. I need to trust God with all my heart, don't try to figure out everything on my own, listen for God's voice in everything I do and everywhere I go for he is the one who will keep me on track, don't assume I know it all. (Proverbs 3:5-7 MSG)
ReplyDeleteI think the first root of my insecurity would have to be pride. It’s funny….right now I’m battling pride, but I didn’t realize it was pride till I re-read page 101 where it says “we’re not the first choice, and that hurts our pride…..we’re not someone’s favorite, and that hurts our pride.”
ReplyDeleteI can think of a few times in the past couple of weeks where someone didn’t respond to me the way I wanted and it hurt….but I realize now that it was really my pride that was hurt.
The second root would be significant loss – at least, significant to me. When I was in Bible
College, a close family member made a sexual advance towards my roommate and best friend. But I didn’t know anything about it. All I knew was that she moved out, and wouldn’t tell me why, despite me pleading with her for an explanation. I spent the next 2 decades wondering what I’d done to ruin our friendship, and having difficulty entering into friendships with other women, because I was always afraid that I wouldn’t be good enough or that I would do something wrong and spoil things.
Five years ago I was seeing a counselor because I was planning on divorcing my husband (another story for another time, of how God rescued me from a life of rebellion and sin!) and I told her about this incident in college, and she said “Don’t you want to find out what made her do that?” She encouraged me to track down my college roommate whom I hadn’t seen for over 25 years. So I did track her down and she agreed to meet with me and that’s when she told me about the incident. I don’t know who I was more mad at – the family member who had robbed me of this close friendship and had robbed me of the ability to make close female friends, or the friend who chose to keep it a secret from me and not tell the authorities. (I guess part of her reasoning was that it was back in the day when you didn’t speak out against sexual assault)
Even though now, almost 30 years later, I know I wasn’t the cause of her walking out of my life, I still battle feelings of “not being good enough”.
Judi,
ReplyDeleteWhen you wrote "The second root would be significant loss – at least, significant to me" it got me thinking. I wonder how many times we try to talk ourselves out of really feeling something just because we don't feel it's big enough to be significant? Beth wrote, "If it translated as something huge to your heart, it is huge to God on your behalf." (pg. 71) A good reminder to us all. Thanks for sharing!
I need to take a moment in this discussion to say to my American Siestas........."Sorry you lost the hockey game - and I'm proud to be Canadian.....it's been a golden day!!!!"
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment Kerry. I must have missed that in the book! :-)
ReplyDeleteThat is so true that we talk ourselves into really feeling something and dealing with it. I thought I did a good job of tell myself for 25 years that it really didn't matter, but I didn't realize how it affected so many of my relationships, so in fact, it did matter.
1. I would have to say a)personal disposition, and b)pride as the two primary roots of my struggle. My personality type is 1/2 choleric and 1/2 sanguine. I tell my friends that means that I want to tell them what to do AND I want them to like it!! Fortunately for me, that is often a winning combination!! Unfortunately, you can imagine how pride rears its ugly head when things go awry!
ReplyDelete2. In addition to dealing with my own insecurity, these chapters also have given me insight for ministering to others. Because I don't feel I have a PROFOUND sense of insecurity (the intensity of the pronouns in the definition were overwhelming to me), I don't always empathize with others and can definitely be insensitive when I need to be more compassionate. God is speaking to me that we each have a story, our own story, and that many circumstances have formed us into the women we have become. He wants me to be aware of that for myself and for the women to whom and with whom I minister. One thing that Beth said in January at our Siesta Celebration was to stop and take a message in before thinking about passing it along to others. That really hit me. I want to take the message of this book and apply it as God would have me to in my own life so that I am better equipped to pass the message along.
Well I'm going to try again. I won't write so much and maybe it won't disappear!!
ReplyDeleteKerry I'm sorry you had so much to deal with growing up, that would be very difficult.
I have to say I'm stuggling a little with answering the first question as it relates to my present life. I know perfectionism turned to pride is one and at one time in the past fear of rejection would have been the other big one.
Because God has healed a lot of the insecurity that I had I don't feel like it profoundly affects my life anymore. When the thing I feared most happened to me and I still survived and with God's help even grew through it, insecurity lost it's grip on my life. Do I still feel insecure at times, yes I do but I wouldn't say it controls me. Somewhere in the book Beth said 'we don't want to have to wait until we are 60 to feel secure', well in a few months I will be 60 so maybe that's part of why insecurity doesn't play the role in my life that it once did:o)!
I'm grateful to the Lord for the healing He has brought to my life. I wouldn't want to go back through those times but neither would I want to lose what I learned through them.
Judi, I am encouraged by the lengths that you have gone and are going to to restore what was lost years ago. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteLynn, did you have any verses or phrases or disciplines that you used to get through those times of insecurity? I know that we all process things differently and love learning from victorious journey's of others.
Nicole
Nicole, I want to answer your question before we get on to the next post. I read your question last night and have been thinking about how to answer it. I actually shared some of this in the post that disappeared:o) I was a crazy perfectionist!! It was mostly directed inwardly and I could never measure up to what I demanded of myself. I had a secure childhood with the most loving parents I could imagine, this feeling did not come from them. When I was about 35 one evening as I was washing dishes I heard some arguing out in our yard between my husband and my sons and immediately I felt I had to get out there and fix it. God stopped me in my tracks! Really I literally heard in my mind "You are not responsible for everything and everybody!" Wow I was shaken and didn't leave the house. That was the beginning of my journey. I still remember the first time I said NO to something I was asked to do at church. Honestly I came so close to calling back and changing my mind. But I didn't, I had heard very clearly that I was not responsible for everything! After one time it became much easier:o) I became ill with a rare disease and actually ended up at the NIH in Bethesda, Maryland for surgery. Through that time of change in my appearance, I could not look like I had it all together anymore, people could see very clearly that something was very wrong. God used that journey of about 3 years to get me out from behind the masks I had been hiding behind for years. It was a very hard time, don't want to go back there ever!! My husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor 2 months after my diagnosis with Cushings Disease. We had a wild ride for a few years, he had an affair, I left praying "Lord don't let me become bitter" and ended up living in Calgary. A long way from our ranch at the end of the road an hour from town! During the hardest parts of that time I don't think I did much but hang on to my faith for dear life. God really worked things out and provided for me at that time in a way I had not experienced before. A friend said to me "God never asks us to understand, He only asks us to trust Him" I hung on to that thought and learned that even though I thought I had been trusting God, I didn't really understand what that meant until He really was ALL that I had. Jer. 29:11 was the verse that the Lord gave me as I struggled to see what in the world my future could possibly look like. He healed my heart and called me to go back and care for Jim when he was dying. That obedience brought further healing and enabled me to come away from that whole thing just trusting Him. During this time I also did the Believing God Bible study and another one by Ann Gilham called the Confident Woman. Those studies reinforced what God was teaching me, my security lies completely in Him, not in anything I can do. I still struggle at times but nothing like I did in the past. I was a mess of fear and now I can honestly say that most of the time I trust God with my situation. NOT always but most of the time. My greatest fear - that I would somehow lose my husband, happened but I didn't stop living like I feared I would. God walked me through it. Not an easy way to learn to trust Him but it worked pretty well! I think, no I know, I can be stubborn and so maybe this is where God had to take me to get my attention off myself and on to Him. I could write a book on how He carried me and the ways He provided for me so it's hard to put it into a post on a blog. I hope that answered your question! :o)
ReplyDeleteP.S. I didn't spell check so forgive the mistakes!!
Yikes, it looks like I wrote a book!! I just wanted to stay one more thing. The greatest truth that I have come away with is this: BE REAL, if I am a mess of insecurity and feeling rotten say so. I do not ever again want to pretend that I have it altogether on the outside and be dying on the inside. I purpose to be an authentic woman of God. So I need to tell you that it was tempting for me to say that I am profoundly insecure so I would fit with most everyone else. But God wouldn't let me do that! He walked that journey to wholeness with me and I can't be real and ignore that!
ReplyDeleteLynn, I think that you should write out your story. Even if it is for personal reasons.
ReplyDeleteI can't help but think of the passages from Job.
Job 19:25-26
I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God.
Even though all was lost - he placed his hope in God.
Job 23:10
He knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
Lynn, what a living miracle you are to the witness of God's glory in refining you as gold.
Thank you for sharing the phrases: "I didn't understand what trusting God meant until He really was all I had" AND "My security lies completely in Him, not in anything I can do".
These are helpful words as I struggle to identify and submit all areas of my life to God, specifically pride.
Actually God has prompted me to write my story for my family, especially my kids. I have made an attempt to start but I need to really focus on it this year and finish it. Maybe that should be my Christmas present for them this year! You can keep me accountable and ask me how it is progressing if you think of it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for those verses Nicole. I am in process, God is not finished with me yet. I love to share what He has done for me because I know He will do the same for any of us who call on Him.
Georgine, I would have to agree with you that this book is really helping me to see other women with more compassionate eyes and understand how behaviours are linked to insecurities. I also feel that at my age I am the most secure that I've ever been, but I sure wish this subject had been dealt with when I was in my 20's!!!
ReplyDeleteLynn, thanks so much for sharing your story. I really hope that you write it for your kids - it will be such a neat legacy!
Hi Lynn, I have been using my LPM 2010 weekly planner as a prayer book and have marked you in in a few spots. I think that would be the most amazing Christmas gift EVER!!!!
ReplyDeleteHey Ladies,
ReplyDeleteOur computer has been on the fritz, I feel so out of the loop! Even now, I can't get Word to work so here goes to not losing this!
1. I think I have some form of all the roots. My parent were divorced (instability in the home)when I was 13(after years of on again, off again), then my dad moved across the country(abandonment,rejection,significant loss & dramatic change), "for a better job to support us", but really it was to sow his single wild oats again. I dealt with a lot at that time, feeling abandoned, insecurity as a acne infested teen girl, sexual molestation from a family member(betrayel of someone I'd trusted) etc. The list goes on. However, I'm in awe of how much God has healed, although there's always more. I didn't realize I was such a wreck until I started reading all these roots.
I've gone through tons of prayer and counseling to really see how the enemy has tried to take me out since I was a young girl. God must have some awesome plans if he can't win! Jesus has freed me and redeemed like no one else ever could. Still more layers!
I've loved reading these and catching up with what you've all shared, it's such an encouragement! So cool to see how God has swooped into our lives and rescued us! On page 85, Beth says "if every single root we've discussed so far is under your family tree, girlfriend, you are already a living, breathing miracle" I guess I am!!
Amen Sandi! You are a living, breathing miracle. I really liked what you said about God having awesome plans for you. You are so right!
ReplyDelete